Peculiar, Missouri   OK, fine...   I like it when people have to reverse-engineer jokes, so here goes...   Every time I see this name, I literally laugh out loud...   Czubby Czecher   OK, it was lame. I don't care because it still makes me laugh.   Twice.   I just delivered a load coming out of Peculiar, MO. It really wasn't all that weird. This of course makes it kind of weird. It's like driving to Sun City and never seeing the sun...   Aurora Vs Death   03-21-11 20:36 MDT.   I'm sitting at home listening to Aurora go on and on and on explaining a program on TV to me. There are two problems with this:   1. I've already seen the program and know what happened in the show and... 2. It is on the TV RIGHT NOW!!!   Aurora is a great kid but she has an occasional issue with recounting things I am already currently engaged in. Here is a sample converstion...   EXT: DAYTIME. AURORA AND I ARE IN THE CAR DRIVING TO TOWN FOR ONE REASON OR ANOTHER.   AURORA: You're being passed by a dumptruck.   ME: Yes, I know, Aurora. I can see it next to the car.   AURORA: It's in front of us now. It's there in front of the car.   ME: Yes, I can see it there in front of us.   AURORA: Dumptrucks have tires on the back of them. The tires turn around a lot.   ME: Yes, Aurora, there are tires on the truck.   AURORA: Tires are made of, like, stuff. Tires can't be made of nothing.   ME: Aurora, could you do me a favor?   AURORA: Yes, favors are things that I can do. Favors are good to do for people. Have you ever heard of party favors? I like parties. Did you know that the biggest...   ME: Aurora!!!   AURORA: Yes? Did you know that my name is Aurora? I was named Aurora a long time ago in a hospital...   ME: AURORA!!! Do me a FAVOR, OK?   AURORA: Ok, sure. What would you like me to do? Or would you like me to doo-doo?   ME: Damn it! Could you PLEASE just do me a favor and open the glove compartment?   AURORA: Yes, there it's open. Did you know that the word "open" is a two syllable word?   ME: Goddammit Aurora! Get into the glove compartment and get out that gun, ok?   AURORA: Sure, what do you want me to do with it? Guns are made out of stuff, too. Not tire stuff, though. A tire gun would be stupid. I think that the...   ME: Jesus Christ, Aurora. Will you be quiet long enough to...   AURORA: Yes, I can be quiet because I can always...   ME: DAMN IT AURORA!!! Just point the gun at me and PULL THE TRIGGER, OK?!?!?!   AURORA: I don't know if mom will allow me to...   EXT: DAYTIME. AURORA AND I ARE IN THE CAR FALLING TO OUR IMPENDING, FIERY DEATH AFTER I DRIVE THE CAR OFF OF A CLIFF. AURORA AND I ARE SPENDING OUR REMAINING MOMENTS LISTENING TO AURORA EXPLAIN HOW GRAVITY CAN CAUSE PEOPLE TO TURN INTO STAINS AT THE BOTTOM OF LONG FALLS...   Yay. Aurora wins.   Mr. Zipp MP3 Torrents   It has taken the better part of ten years to get to a point where I can actually GIVE AWAY my friggin' music. I used to post it on one site or another only to find that it ate up all of my bandwidth with the first incomplete download. I didn't figure that it was sensible to PAY FOR other people to download from my site so I just gave up. It appears that those days are over since I finally figured out how to seed a torrent for others to download.   Yay.   Mr. Zipp MP3 Torrents   The first three tries resulted in retarded files that consist of information with no actual MP3s attached to them. The second attempt was successful but I was unable to delete the first three files so now there are six files to deal with. Invariably, people will select the retarded files and then bitch about what a scam I am running. I've decided that I would post the direct links here to the correct files and then direct people to this page when they want some free/crappy MP3 on their computer.   Click Right Here: Mr Zipp - Unplugged This CD is the first one that I recorded. I finished it in a 6 week blaze. The CD sounds like crap and is an utterly inscrutable mess. It was an experiment that had gone awry and yet it somehow was able to chart tracks on college stations and land a track onto Dr. Demento's Funny Five/Dr. Demento's Basement Tapes.   The working title for the album was Donkey Jones based on a line from the track This is a Thrill, a weird, semi-autobiographical routine about my days in the Navy. After being unable to successfully collaborate on the cover art, I was forced to do my own graphics by hand and rename the CD to Unplugged.   I originally intended for My Girlfriend's Dead to be the featured track from the album but my brother called the Dr. Demento Show and requested that Demento play the song She Left Me For a Destitute Quadriplegic Because of the Good Sex. The track got on the show and was doing fine - it hit the Funny Five three times s just before it dropped off into nowhere after a famous actor became a quadriplegic himself. I believe that I may be the only person on the planet that can claim that his recording career was seriously stymied by Christopher Reeve's accident. HA Ha Ha ha hahahaahsoiwrt9iuy...   Kill me.   The other notable track on the CD is Dad Porks a Train. This one minute track of insanity charted on a number of college stations and is nearly impossible to explain.   The album is filled with screaming, cussing, human sacrifice and other lunacy that nearly defies explanation. One of my favorite parts of releasing this CD was to take copies of it and just leave it for other people to pick up. The thought of someone finding an unopened CD thinking that they just got something for free and then imagining their reaction when they plugged into a CD player. I realized later that this is what Andy Kaufman was doing when I saw the movie Man in the Moon.   This is not a great CD but an interesting listen.   NOTE: The fan mail I received for this CD was positively frightening. I nearly gave up recording after reading these letters.   Click Right Here: Mr Zipp - Over The Edge   In 1995, I managed to get in touch with a fellow named Steve Smith who had a weekend gig at KBUK called Over The Edge. Steve's show was a comedy/novelty music show that was listened to by literally tens of people. I was able to land a five-minute-a-week bit on his show called The Mr. Zipp Show. The Mr. Zipp Show started off with a bang. The first episode, Porking with Dad, should have ended Steve's show and radio career immediately after it was played. If nothing, it proved that either no-one listening to the show was easily offended or that simply no-one listened to the show. I assume it was the second option since La Grange, Texas is a small town filled with ultra-conservative voters with little tolerance for audio mayhem.   The CD was named after Steve's show as a thank-you for allowing me to trash the airwaves for almost two years.   The CD contains tracks from the show and other things that I recorded for guys like Tim Dunbar on talk radio. A few unbroadcast tracks were included on the CD in an effort to release what some might call "real" music.   Notable tracks on the album were things like Nothing Like Revenge, Zeke and the Ferrari, and The Spastic Joe Plastic Show.   The Spastic Joe Plastic Show has a weird story behind it. It was making fun of the Art Bell Show when the idiot "Remote Viewers" called in to Art Bell's show announcing that a sphere was following the Hale-Bopp comet. A friend of mine, Van Adams, and I were making fun of the show and we came up with an alternate explanation of the "...huge hollow globe" following Hale-Bopp. Van and I decided that it was a giant keg filled with beer to supply the visiting aliens their required alcohol intake. These aliens were from the planet Arkansas and they lived in "...the southern part of the galaxy."   To those unaware of the consequences of this now famous Art Bell episode, the Hale-Bopp show was the one that prompted the Heaven's Gate idiots to kill themselves in order to get to the mother ship. If I am not mistaken, I was able to get this show on the air before the Heaven's Gate retards offed themselves.   Over the years, The Spastic Joe Plastic Show has become my favorite track on the CD.   Click Right Here: Mr Zipp - The Best of The Mr. Zipp Show 1995-1997   The Mr. Zipp show, as I have already mentioned, went on for almost two years and it allowed me the opportunity to do something that I have always wanted to do, do a radio show that made full use of the theater of the mind. I was a fan of the CBS Radio Mystery Theater for years and always loved the idea of having my own goofy show that allowed people to imagine weird things.   Zeke and the Ferrari, from the Over The Edge CD is probably the best example of bizarre images created through audio input. While it is a bit slow, it incorporates the idea of a hillbilly modifying a Ferrari to the point of being nearly offensive. This came about after a friend of mine, Cam Dunn, were loopy as hell at work after spending way too many hours being awake and then trying to talk to each other.   Over the years, people have asked me for copies of the show and I had halfheartedly intended to eventually release a CD with tracks from the show. Now that I have the ability to torrent this out, people can now hear what the hell I was doing on the air in those days.   This virtual CD has the inital track that kicked off the show, Porking With Dad. Dad eventually became the breakaway character on the show and was always showing up to inject his particular idiocy into whatever was going on in the show.   Regular characters on the show included Dad, Zeke, Gerbil, Zilpud, and Spastic Joe Plastic.   NOTE: The show was starting to get syndicated to college and regular radio stations before Over The Edge was ended. I was planning to expand the show but was to burned out to continue.   Not a great CD but, like all of the Mr. Zipp offerings, they were fun to do.   Copyright 2011 by Frank Emsley

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