Yay for Happy, Yummy, Gummy Care Bears (Woogie, woogie, woogie...)   Where are the bullets?   Wow, What a Horrible Entry   I just "deleted" (AKA Instantly Archived) my last entry and decided to write something, anything to get the stupid crap from yesterday out of my head.   I still have no idea what to write.   I've been doing better at updating my page. I've gotten a few more entries done so far this year and I plan on ramping it up as the year goes on. Guess what... I still have nothing to write.   Wait...   I like gum.   Yay.   Still nothing.   My chest hurts, don't worry, it's a muscular thing. Ackckckck...   Random Weird Shit   - I ran across a name I do not know how to pronounce: Jack Jimenez. It's kind of like Jorge Johnson, only not as stupid.   - Magic Eight Balls do not predict the future very well. I asked it what the winning lotto numbers were going to be for this week and it said, "Yes."   This thing is broken, I want my money back.   - Until recently, I didn't know there was a difference between Gimps and Crips. Main difference: Gimps don't usually carry guns.   - People can be sooooo sensitive. I found out that some people do not like to be addressed as gardening implement containers. This was a rude awakening for me since I had no idea that this was a problem.   Here is the list from least to most offensive... Shovel Box Clipper Carton Compost Case, and, of course, Hoe Bag That last one nearly landed me in the hospital. I will never refer to someone as a gardening implement container ever again.   - Belive it or not, saying things like, "Jesus Christ, am I fucking charming or what?" is unappealing to some people.   - I do not believe that the Reese's Peanut Butter Cup "accident" scenario is a reliable way to develop new products. A scene with "Hey! You got Ben Gay in my Preparation H.." could produce less than optimal results.   - As good as it may sound, I do not believe that Small Pox would be a good name for a breakfast cereal.   - I do not like sports but I would watch the Ultimate Fight Chamionships for Midgets. Especially if they were required to use chainsaws.   Random excerpt from my book...   While participating in of inter-dimensional travel, Biff had a number of revelations. 1. People, entities, aliens, weirdoes, freaks, sentient robots, and even the members of the Minnesota Tooth-Pick Club had the ability to think about things on an abstract level. (Biff had personally noted that in the "people" category, all members in this group had this ability except for members of the band Uriah Heep. He found this confusing until he had absorbed some of their work and, after that, it was painfully clear to Biff why this was the situation.) And while all of these individuals had the ability to think, as a group they tended to run headlong into stupidity in a way that left Biff simply flummoxed.   2. In every dimension, except the one that was run completely by Democrats, two plus two equaled four. (The Democrat dimension had apparently insisted that two plus two equaled 479.6 for so long that the dimension just gave up and consented to the lunacy. This was also the dimension that had outlawed gravity in order to save children scraped knees and made it stick.)   3. Emotions experienced by everyone that Biff encountered served a purpose. The lone exception to this was, again, the members of the band Uriah Heep, although Mick Box had an occasional moment that seemed to make sense.   4. The most significant thing that Biff discovered is that there is no reason to be unhappy. Even being a member of Uriah Heep was not enough reason to be anything but joyous. Things get better, things get worse but life goes on and there is always a reason to be happy.   When Biff first encountered genuine unhappiness, he felt as if he had been struck with a spiked club covered with hot sauce. Unhappiness was a new and horrible sensation to him. Biff had been down before, maybe even depressed when things weren't working out, but Biff knew that while he might not always been overjoyed, he always had hope and he knew that, overall, he was a happy entity.   Biff had noticed that people were most likely to become unhappy when they were under the influence of others and their group unhappiness. The groupthink phenomenon was new to Biff and he had a hard time unraveling why this was. At some point, Biff had the discovered the axiom - misery loves company - and found this to be a universal law, even among beings that were not sentient.   This was revelatory for Biff.   The fact that logic worked in every dimension, except of course in the Democrat dimension, led Biff to believe beings in all other dimensions had an ability to understand cause and effect. He understood implicitly that unhappiness had no right to exist and that anything that caused unhappiness needed exposed as an evil and a false source of misery.   Biff pondered this for many years before deciding to act.   More Later...   Copyright 2009 by Frank Emsley