What a Week!   Wow...   Talk about pissed... The Company and Why I Walked out For the last seven months, I've been working a second job for a TV place. At first I was happy being there. It was a tech support job helping people get their TVs to work with our service. While I wasn't happy with the online support tools nor was I ecstatic with the utter inability to keep electronic means of developing my own help system, I liked the service and I liked the attitude the company had toward their customers.   But then the economy really started to tank and the company was doing whatever it could to keep money in their pocket. I don't have a problem with saving money and telling customers to piss off and go to another service as long as I'm told to do so. I believe in competition. Statistics show that our customers almost always come back. They pay a little more for the service but they eventually figure out that the other companies were much worse than we are.   To save money, we were essentially told the following - - -   1. Follow online resources into the ground.   The online resources were horrible but we were constantly being told that the online scripts were all we actually needed. The scripts were written by idiots that have no idea how the system really works. When I started, we had a script to resolve a specific error that made almost no sense. This script was eventually modified but it had taken people over a year of bitching to get it changed. Even though this particular script was modified, the upper echelon had to stick their fingers in it and muddy up what would have been perfect solution to the issue being addressed. They, the management, had to feel that they left their mark on the script. God knows that the scumbags at the bottom of the ladder could not be issued sole credit for something that actually worked.   In any case, if one had long call times, the first thing that the supervisors would ask was, "Did you follow your scripts?" If one were to follow the scripts, many small things could be missed that might resolve the problem. After following the scripts with no resolution, the supervisors would ask, "Did you try this or that?" to which one would answer, "That's not in the script so I didn't do it." I was always being asked why I didn't do things that were not in the script. It was horrible. I was constantly being told that I was penalized in my QAs for following scripts to no resolution or resolving problems outside of the online resources.   Punch Line One: Many that did not follow the scripts but knew how to resolve problems got shorter call times and, for whatever reason, were apparently never penalized in their QAs.   Punch Line Two: I have, in my history of tech support, developed many online resources that streamlined troubleshooting processes but at this place I was not allowed to develop my own documents to help remember things that were not in the scripts. Jesus, I couldn't even save a simple notepad document to keep track of things.   2. Document the shit out your troubleshooting steps.   On other teams, simply stating that one followed the online resources ("T/S steps did not work.") was enough to prove that the online resources were followed. For some reason, my team was required do to document every step taken in the troubleshooting process thus eating up valuable time and making our call times longer.   3. Submit ALL possible technician dispatches for approval.   This was one of the worst ideas ever. In order to cut costs and reduce the number of technician dispatches, we were required to submit all requests to our upper echelon. Even though my documentation was immaculate, I was often required to come up with some way to keep a tech from going to the customer's house regardless of the fact that, according to our online resources, that was the only resolution. I found myself coming up with stalling techniques that would pawn off the dispatch on some other poor sonofabitch that would have to do it later on. We were robbing Peter to pay Paul.   4. Get your call times down.   All of this added up to longer call times and reduced customer services. There is going to come a point where the company will have to either let customers go or fix the customers' problems. Dissatisfied customers will find somewhere else to get their services if things aren't resolved. This policy not only produces pissed off customers, it also costs more for these customers to call back over and over until things are fixed.   On top of all of this junk, we also had a shift bid in which I apparently was not required to participate. When I got to work, someone just handed me my shift form for my new hours. I don't mind being at the bottom of the shift bid list, especially considering my horrible call times, but the least they could have done is talk to me like they talked to everyone else and inform me of my status. Instead, they just said, "He's at the bottom of the list, fuck him, he doesn't need a meeting." They simply dropped the form on my desk to let me know that I didn't rate the same process as everyone else.   Meanwhile back on the ranch... I had a situation that was not covered by the scripts. The previous technician trying to fix the problem gave up and transferred the call to me. This is fine, that's the way the systems works. When I got the call, I was able to get further than the previous tech but I also ran into a problem. I asked for help and someone came up to my desk and showed me a "trick" that really didn't make any difference. Again, I made some headway but I still couldn't get the device to work. The guy that gave me the advice didn't know that his trick didn't work because he ran off before seeing the results. I again asked for help and the same guy came by the desk and asked me if I was using my "Activation Script" and scurried off.   I was not using the activation script since it was a tedious piece of shit that sucked up massive time but I decided that I had better do as I was told. I pulled up the script and the script said that before I could proceed, the installation technician at the other end of the phone had to be able to see a specific channel on his screen. I asked the technician if he could see channel "X," the technician basically told me I was stupid because he could NEVER SEE CHANNEL "X" ON THESE UNITS BEFORE THEY WERE ACTIVATED. I told the technician that he was wrong, that he ALWAYS sees this channel since the FUCKING SCRIPT SAYS SO. "See? It says right here that if the caller doesn't not see this channel that we need to troubleshoot until we can see this channel." The technician was sure that I was retarded and he was not about to troubleshoot a unit that did not need troubleshooting. I again asked for help and was, for the umpteenth time, told to follow my script. It was at this point I transferred the call and walked out.   Note: I found out that the script that I was supposed to use was out of date and the unit in question never got the channel it was supposed to get before activation. Go figure.   Screw 'em.   On to other things...   The Stand Up Thing   I did my research and found out all I could about the bar that I was supposed to do standup in. It was supposed to be a dive bar from hell that was famous for its poor treatment of first timers. I went to the Squire Lounge this Tuesday expecting to be eaten alive by the unruly crowd.   I got to the bar and found out that it was just a bar. I've seen my share of scary places and this was far from the pit that it was made out to be. This threw me, I geared up for a rough night and found that all my psyching up was for nothing.   I was initially told that the guy that organized the setup, Greg, would be there at 21:30. I showed up at 22:00 expecting to have missed my call. Greg wasn't there until 22:30 or so. Yay. When Greg got there, I signed up and was ready to go. Greg was a pretty cool and told me to go for it.   I watched a couple of guys and gals do their thing and watched another newbee bomb his ass off. He looked pretty discouraged by the end of it. Fortunately for me, I know that bombing is part of the process so I don't take it to heart when I don't do well.   I got my turn at the mic and found myself with the same problem as my previous routine, I was not close enough to the mic. My voice sounded washed out.   Note: I've had a recording studio for years and have set my mics up to pick up from a distance. Ten years of being six inches from a mic is a hard habit to break. This is something I have to really work on.   Anyway, I bombed again. It's ok, I learned a lot. I made the mistake of talking AT the group instead of talking TO the group. This is the same mistake that the previous newbee made. Again, it's all right, just part of the process. It also didn't help that I pulled out a big gun routine that requires a LOT of rapport with the audience. I need to stick to the simpler stuff until I figure out how to get in good with the group.   What's funny is that if the audience doesn't like the act, they just talk to each other rather than heckle the comedian. This sounds kind of rude but it is actually kind of nice. There are no dead silences, there is just background noise while the comic dies a slow death on stage. Christ knows I've been through worse.   Sidebar: I read somewhere online that many people absolutely HATE the "How are you guys tonight?" opening since it comes off as insincere. After watching the folks that did well, I realized that most of them asked the audience how they were doing and some members of the audience actually responded. I came to realize that this is a way to get the audience vested in the act. Is this really true? I don't know but I will definitely give it a shot. It won't fix all of the problems with my routine but it is a place to start. It will also prompt me to pay more attention to my audence.   I've spent many hours entertaining people but I've been out of practice and need to get my chops back. Thank God I've been through this before and know that most people that make it have to go through the same process. Bombing sucks, especially if you've never done it before.   In any case, I'm going to resurrect the routine I did at Comedy Works and do some fine tuning. I'll let you know how it goes this coming Tuesday.   Later...   Copyright 2009 by Frank Emsley