Test, test, test... Is this thing on?
 
Here we go.
 
In the event that you are wondering what you are looking at, this is the definitive Frank Emsley page. Yes, this page is going to be the ultimate resource in Frank Emsley information on the internet. People will undoubtedly rush to this page in an effort to be first to get the latest news on me and things that happen in my life.
 
At this point, you are probably asking yourself a few questions:
  • Who gives a rat's ass?
  • Jesus, who do you think you are, anyway?
  • I mean, what the hell makes you think that I should give a fly's left testicle about the "definitive" Frank Emsley page?
  • I've got laundry to do, why are you wasting irretrievable minutes of my limited existence with this crap?
  • Where the hell is my laundry detergent?
  • Why am I asking you about MY laundry detergent?
I really need to lay off of the drugs...
 
In any case, this page is an effort to consolidate a bunch of stupid stuff that I have hanging out there on various freebie pages. I will attempt to con my wife into letting me pay for the pop-up-free service so that readers will not have to deal with retarded ads. With any luck, I will be able to incorporate a number of things like past articles, games, and usenet posts from my older pages into this one and do it without the annoying pop-ups.
 
I am starting this page mostly because I want to give myself a place to write. I was previously writing stuff for another page and had to give it up due to job demands. It appears that things have settled down enough at work to allow me the time to continue my writing, (not that anyone was reading it to begin with).
 
One thing that really pisses me of is long, boring explanation tags that describe the thing that you are looking at. It's as if you've never seen whatever it is that they are displaying. And they give explanations to the significance of the picture as if you give a flying crap about it to begin with. People always say stuff like "This is my friend's favorite pencil sharpener. He once used it to prepare for his audition for a starring role on a porno movie..." Jesus, just kill me.
This picture is of course necessary for demonstrating the evils of stupid pictures.

 One of my goals is to keep the page simple and fast. I am going to try to stay away from using too many graphics. As my "style" of writing tends to be pretty descriptive to begin with, my need for graphics should be almost non-existent.

It's bad enought that I have to waste my time on other peoples' pointless internet graphics, why should I waste more of my time working on my own graphics?

If you have read any of my other pages, you know that my stuff is pretty strange. I like to write mostly about things that piss me off. Things that piss me off can be anything from one-armed Tibetan Monks in Sunday school to Tuesday mornings. Well, OK, I was exaggerating about the Tuesday morning thing.
 
Anyway, this is my page and hopefully I will be able to steer some traffic here. Let me know if you have any suggestions...